Wish List

I know that some of you had expressed a desire to come down to South America while I am here. In spite of my belief that the vast majority of you are bluffing, I would like to publish a list of commodities that I would be ever-so grateful to receive should you make the 5,000 mile journey.

The list is as follows:

-Protein bars/shakes: So as I am certain I have mentioned in prior posts (see Santiaguino Factoids, De sol a sol, etc.), the food here is not great… Well, it’s less than good… All right it’s horrible, and if it weren’t for ají, I think I might starve. You would think that as bad as the food is, at the very least it would be healthy. Again, reference Santiaguino factoids to see the error of your assumption. Needless to say, a supplemental (or more like replacement) protein shake here and there might do this body good.

-Cholula: if I can’t have good food, at least I might be able to disguise the flavor by dousing it in something ELSE that tastes good.

-Surgical masks: I know at LEAST one person who works in or around hospitals or clinics (Ahem, Dad), and these bad boys sure would come in handy once the down comforter of smog settles in over the city this winter, acid rain duvet cover and all.

-Gum: I don’t quite understand it, but the well recognized brands like Orbitz and Dentyne have Chileanized their product, which is to say, made of lesser quality. The plastic coated saccharine-cubes that disintegrate in a moment’s time is a far cry from the refreshing minty goodness of the gum back home.

-Cheap shower sandals: although I could just buy a promotional box of beer that comes with them.

-Febreeze: so I can wear my clothes longer without washing them… Don’t judge!

-Downy Wrinkle Releaser: as much as I like having T-shirts that double as Frisbees, line drying my clothes has left something to be desired.

-Gold Bond: I may have missed the boat on this one now that fall is here and winter just around the corner. Still, that refreshing breeze would have made my badlands much less bad during the miles I trekked around the city in search of housing.

-501 (or is it 101?) Spanish Verbs: I may still find this at a book store, but in the mean time, my Charades skills are vastly improving every time I have to act out such actions as tying a tie, lighting a match, or listening to headphones. Fortunately, we already had toilet paper at the house, otherwise, some poor old lady at the grocery store would have been in for a world of trouble.

-Shout gel: a while back, as I was applying Aji (just about the only thing that makes most Chilean food edible) to my sandwich, I lost grip of my fork, and with a flash of shiny metal and spicy orangeish-red sauce, things spiraled out of control. Surveying the damage, it became apparent that Striped Polo had saved the rest of my clothing and that of my compatriots, but in so doing, he sacrificed himself to a life as a dishrag or fuel for the wayward hobo. Or so it would seem… At the advice from a quick-thinking colleague of mine, I made haste for his Shout gel, and tried to resuscitate Striped Polo from his heinous peppery wound. My triage solution seemed to have little more effect than a band-aide on a bullet-hole, and I hopelessly hung my old friend out to dry until morning. Miraculously, I found Striped Polo in the morning almost entirely copasetic. One trip through the washing machine and he is already back in my rotation (I think I have him in the starting lineup tomorrow). Lesson learned: before taking on Aji, be sure to arm yourself with Shout Gel. In the words of Menelik: “It’s a beast!”

Last and most importantly, if you come down to visit me, you should definitely bring.
-a Chipotle burrito: steak, pinto beans, mild and corn salsa, cheese, and lettuce. Store it in dry ice, double ziplock bag in a cooler, or wrap in up in thermal underwear… I don’t care. Find a way!

Going to Mendoza Argentina this weekend, which means you won't hear from me at least until Tuesday. I trust you'll survive.